So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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