Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
