I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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