Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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