the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
