Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
