I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She bit a glass in half.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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