and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Success! We fucked roommates!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
