Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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