Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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