My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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