I can tuck mytits in my pants
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He better not be in your backpack
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
