He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
