how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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