I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
