Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize