I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
