Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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