So drunk its hurt
thus making me awesome and them whores
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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