I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
