You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
