You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
