Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
