just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
