We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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