Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
