he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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