first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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