apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wear drunk well.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
