Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
