Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
