Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
