Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
