Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
