I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just googled if crying burns calories
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
