Screwed.edu
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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