for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
How's work?
Spinning.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
