Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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