My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize