I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
