What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
