Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
