my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
