**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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