Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
