I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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