Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize