he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
