Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
