I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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