Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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