I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
