I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
