dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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