I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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