Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
