I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
