thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
