Four minutes until I can fart!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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