Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
