Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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