Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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